


The Journey Shall Be Made (Together On Our Own)

by vagrantBreath



Series: Start the motion [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Galra Keith (Voltron), Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, memories of rape and torture, might get kinda graphic with those, my background ot3 of shallance continues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-11 21:40:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7908544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vagrantBreath/pseuds/vagrantBreath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone wants to help Keith after what happened.</p><p>After what happened, he wants the help.</p><p>(you don't deserve it)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaah, everyone! You all are so nice, and you're pulling me through this crazy series. I love you all so much.
> 
> And my husband has started to put his RWBY fic up! If you like watching a character be broken down then rebuilt into something much better than before, [Heart of Defiance](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7896874) is definitely something you need to read. It takes place after volume 3 of RWBY, and it will be updating every Sunday and Thursday!

The punching bag felt good under his fists. A familiar feeling, the way each punch impacted, barely moving the bag. Keith breathed steadily, arms starting to tire as he continued. It was about time he finished up, after all. Training with a punching bag only went so far. It didn’t train him for actual people

(painfearblood)

fighting against him. That took the gladiator bots

( _I can’t breathe_ )

but he didn’t know if he could train with them right now. Not now.

(painpainpain)

(it hurts)

(it hurt)

Keith growled, slamming his fists into the bag harder and harder.

(the knife painblood my chest my back)

He snarled, whipping his claws back.

”Whoa!” Lance’s voice rang out, fast and strong. “Not to this one, Keith. We can’t keep replacing these.”

He turned to the voice, snarling at him. How dare he. How dare he!

”Hey. It’s okay. You’re here, Keith. You remember, right? You remember Keith? You remember Lance?” He didn’t step closer, just looked at him with a soft face. “It’s okay. You’re in a safe place.”

He lowered his claws, the snarl downgraded to a low growl.

”Yeah. Just like that. You want some brownies? I can get Hunk to make some brownies. There are brownies here.”

Brownies. He frowned.

”Or maybe not. You hungry at all? Hunk can-”

”Shut up.” The words came out more growl than human vocalization, but they were there.

”Nah, you asked me to be here while you trained, you get to deal with me while I talk you through a PTSD feral moment.”

Keith growled at him, flexing his claws slightly, feeling them move in the tape. He had asked Lance to be here. Lance helped Shiro with his PTSD. He knew what to do. Allura knew as well but was too busy to help. Keith finally nodded, swallowing. “Still. Shut up.”

”You’re already sounding a lot better. See? It works!”

He rolled his eyes. “Yes, Lance, it works.” Keith started to unwind the tape, moving away from the bag.

He had almost gone feral again. Almost fallen into the easy mindset of not thinking like a human anymore, of seeing things as threat/non-threat. Of not facing his memories.

Facing them. Keith shuddered as he dropped one length of tape, going for the other hand. He wasn’t sure he was ready yet to do so. They were- he didn’t know how long he had been with the Galra, only that it had melded into pain and the need to fight back. The desire to reflect all the pain he had been given on his torturers. It left him with this unpleasant cocktail of PTSD with flashbacks and feral moments. He had asked Lance to come along in case of that.

Silently, Lance held out the water bottle to him. Keith looked at it, at Lance’s hand.

(neveragain)

Keith’s breath caught in his throat. “J-just put it down,” he whispered.

Lance stared at him, at the bottle, then carefully put it down between them. “You’re going to have to touch one of us sooner or later, Keith.”

(neveragain)

He nodded, grabbing the bottle and taking a drink, turning away from Lance as he did so.

(you touched pidge)

(i nearly hurt pidge)

(i won’t let anyone hurt me again)

(i won’t hurt any of them)

* * *

”So Lance tells me you’re doing stupid things again.”

”Stupid as in what Lance already does, or is he making up new stories?”

Pidge laughed, pausing in her typing. “I think he’s making up stories again. Though, he did say you had a moment today.”

Keith shifted on his makeshift bed. “My mind got the best of me when I was training.”

”Yeah, I get you on your mind getting the best of you,” she muttered. “Anything you want to talk about?”

Keith paused for a tick, looking over at her. She shifted, crossing her legs so her laptop wasn’t resting on her thighs so much. “No,” he managed. She wouldn’t understand. “Maybe later.”

Pidge nodded, going back to her work. “Well, whenever you want to, we’re all here. And we all will listen to you.”

(I know.)

(I don’t want you to hear what they did to me.)

* * *

Shiro didn’t come by.

(...)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the tags because I got a wee bit more graphic than I expected to when plotting this thing out originally.

The floor was very, very hard.

Keith sighed, rolling over. It had been a while since he had been comfortable sleeping. Hell, been a while since he had been able to sleep more than a hour here and there. The way his thoughts kept circling on him, especially when he looked at his bed...

No one asked why he wouldn’t sleep on his bed anymore, or why anyone couldn’t sit on it without him starting to go feral. It was nice of them not to, but he could see the question in Pidge’s eyes whenever she came by. The urge to ask in Lance’s and Hunk’s face. Keith knew eventually he would have to explain to someone what happened (claws in his hair, shoving his head down until he gagged) but until then he wasn’t going to.

He just.

Wanted it to go away. How did Shiro do it? How did Shiro be a functioning adult 99% of the time? Half the time Keith could feel himself on the edge of a flashback, and the other half of the time he could feel the feral nature he had slipped into crawling back up. If only he could talk to Shiro about this. If only Shiro wasn’t actively avoiding him.

Keith pulled his hand up to his face, staring at his claws. He was pretty much a walking trigger for him. A half-Galra

( _”half-breed slut”_ )

after what he had gone through with the Galra? It wasn’t surprising.

(He triggered you too.)

(Galra prisoner.)

(He was probably tortured. And raped. Like you.)

Keith inhaled sharply, dropping his hand. “Shut up,” he whispered, his voice shaking in the still room.

(Galra prisoner.)

( _grabbing his struggling bound hands and dragging them across the bed. “Good,” he heard behind him, punctuated with a chuckle. “This is exactly how a half-breed should look. Presenting itself to the Galra Empire. Worthless little thing.” He felt a hand caressing his ass, over the already abused and bleeding hole, semen smearing across the furred fingers_ )

”Keith. Oh God, Keith.”

His throat hurt.

”How the hell does Lance do this? Fuck. Keith, I... it’s okay. Fuck, I wish I could touch you right now. You’re okay, Keith. You’re in the Castle of Lions. You’re with us.”

Oh. There was a noise coming from his mouth.

”Can you hear me? Fuck, please tell me you can hear me. It’s me, Pidge. I’m your friend. You’re safe here. Please, Keith.”

He curled up on himself more, a loud sob escaping his throat. The rest of the memory was still there ( _dipping into him again, adding another flare of pain_ ) trying to continue as he laid there, tears running down his face.

”Keith...”

Finally, the memory let him go. Keith took a deep shuddering breath, feeling the echoes of pain shoot up his back as he did.

”Keith, are you...?”

Slowly, he rolled over, looking at Pidge.

(helpme)

”Sorry for waking you,” he rasped out.

Pidge looked at him, then her face morphed into a mask of annoyance. “Sorry?! Don’t you fucking say that, you prick! I will always come over here when you’re having a bad dream or something and be here until it passes, okay? So don’t ever say you’re sorry for it!”

”Pidge...”

”Just for that,” she grumbled, going to the pillow she normally sat on when she spent time in his room. “You’re going to deal with my snoring for the rest of the night.” Pidge reached up, pulling the blankets off the bed and curled up, staring at him. “And I’ll be here the next time you have a nightmare.”

”Then you’re not going to get a lot of sleep.”

”I’m a computer genius. Do you think we get any sleep to begin with?” She yawned, curling up further. “Shiro already threatened to take away my laptop if I fall asleep in Green’s cockpit again. I only did that like twenty times because I worked myself to exhaustion.”

Keith laughed at that. “The twenty-first time is always the straw that breaks the camel’s back.”

”Apparently.” They fell quiet for a few ticks, staring at each other. “Lance misses you,” she finally said quietly. “He wants to see you outside of you asking him to watch over you.”

Keith looked down. “I know,” he whispered.

When he finally looked back up, Pidge had her lips curved in a humorless smile. “I know,” she told him. “Get some sleep. I’m here.”

He watched her close her eyes, watched her face start to smooth out into sleep.

(helpme)


	3. Chapter 3

(why are they looking at me)

(stop)

”Lance.”

”I know. Hey there. Hey, Keith. You remember me?”

(go away)

”Guys, I think he went feral again.”

”Recovery isn't a straight line. Lance, be careful. It’s not like how it is with me.”

”I know, Shiro. Hey. You’re in the dining hall in the Castleship. Castle of Lions. Allura's castle. You were eating with us. You’re with the other Paladins of Voltron. We’re your friends. This is a safe place.”

(...)

”Keith...”

”He’ll be okay, Pidge.”

”You better be right.”

”C’mon. You still hungry? We have food for you. It’s all good.”

(...)

”Here. And here’s a fork.”

A clatter caught his attention, making him lift his head. A smiling face met him, and the scent of food. He uncurled and looked around for the food, seeing it in front of him with a-

Fork.

(That’s a fork.)

(Lance gave me a fork.)

Quickly, he grabbed the fork, mentally grabbing onto the thought as well. Each was clenched tightly, trying to pull himself back up. Back to being-

(Keith.)

He gasped, looking up. Everyone was looking at him with varying degrees of worry. Even Lance, hiding the worry behind a soft smile. Keith looked down at the fork, then swallowed.

He had just... blanked out. And then _nothing_ was right, and he was back there. Back in his cell, waiting to be tortured. Waiting, filthy from different fluids, not all of them his. Keith took a shuddering breath, carefully putting the fork down. “I’m not hungry,” he said thickly, making everyone sit back in relief.

”That’s okay!” Lance reached out, taking the plate from him. “How about I take you back to your room? You look really tired now.”

(I can make it back myself.)

(That’s how useless you are. He doesn’t trust you to go alone.)

Keith looked around. Pidge and Hunk stared at him with worry, and Shiro...

Shiro did not look at him.

(He can’t look at something as broken as you.)

Keith looked down. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I’m tired.”

Lance stood, waiting for Keith to do the same. When he did, he smiled at him and waved at the rest. “See you guys later.”

Pidge and Hunk waved goodbye, Pidge’s eyes worried as they left. Shiro just nodded, swallowing. Keith closed his eyes tightly, willing away the thought that came with it before he turned to follow Lance out of the room.

”You did really good today,” Lance told him as they walked. “You spent a lot of time with us today.”

(You were there for less than an hour.)

”Hey, maybe soon I’ll be back to beating you in sparring.” Lance grinned at him. Then when Keith didn’t rise, he drooped a bit. “Man, I miss you telling me that I would never beat you, even with all the help Shiro and Allura are giving me. You have all those Galra”

( _half-breed slut_ )

”instincts that I just don’t have that give you this... I dunno, _edge._ Almost makes me wish I was half-”

” _Shut up!_ ”

Lance stopped, turning to Keith, his eyes wide. But he didn’t talk. He didn’t say a word.

Keith looked away from him, his fists trembling at his sides. “I’ll go the rest of the way alone.”

”... okay.” Lance’s voice was quiet. He stood there for a moment, then started to leave, pausing for a moment next to Keith. “I’m sorry.”

A snarl rose in Keith’s throat, not quite escaping. “Go.”

Lance gave him a small, weary smile.

And left.

( _half-breed slut_ )

* * *

He wasn’t getting better. He wouldn’t ever get better.

They were wasting their time on him.

(Wouldn’t it be easier if they wouldn’t?)

(Wouldn’t it be easier if you weren’t here?)

Keith looked down at his claws, flexing them.

(It would be.)

He lifted his claws, putting them to his throat.

(It would be so easy.)

(...)

Then lowered them.

(It would be so easy.)


	4. Chapter 4

The thought didn’t come again right away. Not how it would be so easy.

Even if it would.

* * *

”Go away, Pidge.”

”Nope.” He heard the sound of her sitting down on her pillow and didn’t raise his head. “It’s visiting hours.”

”I said, _go away._ ”

She paused for a moment, but he didn’t hear her rise. “No,” she told him firmly. “Look. You haven’t left your room in days. Lance has been saying to give you time but fucking hell, Keith. I’m not going to let you rot away in here with your thoughts. That’s the exact reason I make myself socialize at points, so I don’t let my thoughts run away with me. So I’m going to be here and talking to you and making you be social.”

Keith lifted his head finally, growling a little at her.

”That’s not scary.”

”What is it going to take for all of you to leave me alone?” he spat at her, uncurling slightly. “Do I need to hurt you?”

That made Pidge swallow. “You won’t.”

”I almost did.”

”Yeah, but you stopped yourself.”

”And next time I might not! I went _feral_ when I tried to socialize last time. What’s going to happen the next time I break? Will I even remember you?”

”Yeah, you will!” Pidge was shaking now, he noticed, her breathing uneven. “Because I trust my friend! I trust you’re going to be fine! I came in here when I was on my period and you didn’t attack me even though you were completely feral. You could have attacked me several times we were together and you _never did_. Of course I trust you. Of course I-” She broke off, breathing heavily.

Keith looked away.

(Trust.)

(You don’t deserve it.)

”We love you, Keith,” she said softly. “We’re your family. We just... want to help.”

(Help.)

”You can’t,” he choked out. “After however long they had me... you can’t take that away.”

”I fucking well know that!” His gaze snapped back at her when he heard the unshed tears in her voice. “But it’s not about taking it away, you fucking asshole! It’s like what Shiro says to me whenever he finds me after a nightmare, it’s not about taking it away, it’s about having people that care for you that help you through it!”

(help me)

Keith swallowed. “It’s not that easy.”

”Just... trust us. Trust me, at least.”

He laughed humorlessly, letting his head loll against the wall. “Pidge, do you even know why I can’t say it? Even thinking about why...” He swallowed, looking up at the ceiling. “Why, for example, anyone sitting on the b-bed triggers. Me.” The words came harder now, the memory closer. “Memories. They. They’re there.”

( _“Take it all, you slut. Good. See, you didn’t even gag that time.”_ )

He growled, shaking his head.

(neveragain)

”Maybe you need to talk about them.”

Keith’s gaze shot over to her in surprise. What?

Pidge had her hands clenched in front of her, her head bowed. “Maybe you need to talk about it. What they did to you. Get the memories out.”

” _No._ ”

”It’s killing you, Keith! You need-”

He snarled, whipping his claws up, ready to strike her. Pidge didn’t even flinch, just staring at him steadily. “Go ahead,” she whispered. “I dare you.”

His hand shook.

”Get out.”

This time, she looked at him for a moment before standing. “Let us care about you, you asshole,” she told him before she left.”

(Family.)

He kicked the wall, growling.

(They don’t understand. They haven’t been there. They don’t know what it’s like.)

(Shiro does.)

(Shiro can’t look at you.)

Keith curled up, gritting his teeth.

(helpmehelpmehelpme)

(you don’t deserve help)


	5. Chapter 5

(It would be so easy)

* * *

Keith pulled on the sleeves of his jacket as he walked. He didn’t want to be out of his room, but hunger drove him out. The only thing he took solace in was it was very late and no one else would be up. He wouldn’t be stopped by anyone.

Which was good. He was just... tired. So, so tired.

He just. Didn’t know what to do anymore. He kept having flashbacks, kept... he wasn’t getting better. He couldn’t talk about it because it was just so close. And he just didn’t know what to do.

(You know what to do.)

Keith inhaled sharply, shaking his head. No. He tugged on his sleeves again, entering the dining hall.

And stopped as he saw Allura giggling as Lance fed her some green goo, Shiro watching them fondly. By the way their hair glistened, it was obvious they had just taken a shower. And considering the sleepy and satisfied look on Shiro’s face, it was more than obvious they were all post-coital.

How could Shiro do it? How could he let anyone near him after his imprisonment at the hands of the Galra? Was he just that weak? That much of a mess?

(Yes.)

”Oh! Keith!” Allura looked up, her face brightening. “I’m surprised to see you up at this hour.”

He shook his head. “Hungry,” he managed, his voice shaking.

All three of them looked at each other. Lance slowly stood, coming over to him, his face falling into the one he used to talk both him and Shiro through their moments. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

”Nothing. Shut up.”

”You sure? You’re kinda-”

Lance’s throat was clenched in his hand before he could even think, his claws pulled back for a strike. “Shut up, shut up, _shut up!_ ”

Quickly, Allura and Shiro sprang into action. Allura ripped his hand off Lance, while Shiro held his other hand steady. “Lance, go,” Shiro told him, wrenching the caught arm behind Keith.

”No,” Lance rasped out. “I can do this. Keith... what’s wrong?”

”Shut up.” To his horror, Keith realized he was crying. Both Allura and Shiro let him go, letting him fall to his knees. “Fuck. I just came to get food. I didn’t come to see... to realize...” He curled up, head bowed. “I’m useless. Shiro went through more longer and he-”

The rest of them were quiet, then he heard people starting to leave. Someone bent down by him, quiet for a moment. “I’m not perfect,” came Shiro’s voice. “Some days Lance and Allura can’t even touch me because it sets me off.”

”But you can function,” Keith said, his voice thick. “I can’t even look at your arm without starting to flash back.”

”It comes easier with time.”

Keith shook his head. “I want to die,” he whispered.

There was a moment of silence, then Shiro’s voice, soft and hesitant. “I do too.”

That made him look over at him, blinking. “Sometimes, I think I’m useless as a leader, as a person, because I’m not functioning. That I would be better off dead and Allura taking over. That’s when Allura and Lance being there for me helps, because they don’t let me go through this alone.”

Keith swallowed, and shook his head. “I can’t do this, Shiro. I can’t be a dead weight on Voltron.”

”You’re not. You’re just hurting. And we’re here for you.”

Keith laughed, a humorless sound. “Don’t be.”

There was a moment of silence, and then Shiro’s hand touched his shoulder. “I-”

(No!)

Keith howled, swiping. (neveragain) His claws met metal, and he backed away. (don’t touch me)

Shiro just looked at him, eyes sad. “I’ll be here when you’re ready,” he told him. “We all will.”

Keith watched him get up as he shook, flexing his claws.

(neveragain)

(you don’t deserve their help.)

(ever.)


	6. Chapter 6

(It would be so easy.)

(So, so easy.)

* * *

”Are you sure you want to do this?”

Keith’s hands tightened on Red’s control stick. “Yeah. I’m sure. I’m going to need to fight again soon anyway. Might as well fly around for a bit and get used to that again.”

Shiro’s voice went quiet over the com link for a moment. “We’ll start with some basic maneuvers,” he told him. “Get you reaquainted with the controls and how it feels to fly in space.”

Basic maneuvers. Keith’s mouth curled at that. He wasn’t a fucking baby. But he did, in a way, understand Shiro’s hesitation. “Yeah, sure.”

Red purred under his hands as they left the hanger. It felt so good to fly her again. To be out among the stars. He almost felt... normal again. Like an actual Paladin of Voltron. His hands moved easily as Shiro worked him through the basics, falling easily into the old habits

( _a punch hit his stomach. Right where it wasn’t armored. Right where he had been impaled_ )

He inhaled sharply.

( _”Your people killed my partner”_ )

”-eith! Keith!”

( _electricity burning through him_ )

”Keith!”

He lifted his head, gasping. Red grumbled around him as he saw Shiro beside him on the sensor-

Keith took a shaking breath. “I’m going back,” he told him, turning Red around.

”Keith, wait.”

(No.)

”Shiro, I- I can’t-”

”This was just-”

Keith snarled, shoving the control stick forward. Going back to the Castle of Lions.

Back.

(pathetic)

* * *

The water was warm against his skin.

Keith rested his forehead against the wall, swallowing. He had tried flying again. And had a flashback from just doing that. He had just been _flying._ What good was a Paladin of Voltron that couldn’t fly?

(no good)

What good was a Paladin of Voltron that froze like that?

(no good)

What good was someone as broken as him?

(nogood)

(i’m no good)

Keith stared at the wall. That was it. He wasn’t any good anymore. He didn’t deserve to be a Paladin of Voltron anymore. He didn’t deserve any of this. He was just a half-breed slut. The scar on his back proclaimed it to any man that would fuck him now. Just like the one on his chest let the world know how much of a murderer he was.

(spreading your legs for galra cock. that’s all you’re good for) 

(you’re not a paladin anymore)

(half-galra slut)

Keith slammed his head against the wall. The pain felt so good. Felt real.

(why don’t you just go back to them)

(or maybe)

The thoughts stopped. Keith looked down at his claws, flexing them.

Then, slowly, put them to his throat. He felt the sharp points dig in, the kiss of pain as he pressed in deeper, the almost relief as it hurt worse, knowing it was going to be over soon-

( _No_ )

He dropped to his hands and knees, the thought rattling around in his empty brain.

Drops of blood fell into the water to be washed away.

* * *

He had just barely pierced the skin. Just enough to need to be wrapped. Keith dressed and looked around for a med kit, coming up empty handed. He would need to go out, find something.

See people.

(...)

He closed his eyes.

Then started walking. He didn’t know to where. Just let his legs take him somewhere. When they ended at a door, he knocked, knowing who was inside.

”Oh for fuck’s sake, Shiro, I said I’d be in bed in-” Pidge opened the door, the words coming to a stop as she looked up at him. “Keith, you’re bleeding! Holy shit, what-” She turned away from the door, going under her bed. “Come here, you- Sit down somewhere. I have a kit for when I cut myself working on something. Shit...” She came back with the kit, her face worried. “I’m going to have to touch-”

Keith yanked the kit from her hands, roughly going through it for gauze pads and wrap. Quickly, he wrapped his neck, placing a pad down over the cuts and cutting off the ends of the wrap with the scissors in the kit. He tied off the ends, swaying on his feet.

”Keith...”

”I can’t fly,” he whispered. “I can’t fight. I can’t even be around the rest.”

Pidge closed her eyes, shaking her head. “Keith...”

”I have the Galra words for murderer and slut carved into me. Pidge, I-” Keith heard his voice rising and he couldn’t stop it. “Pidge, that’s all I am! I murder innocent people and all I’m good for is spreading my legs for-”

” _SHUT UP!_ ”

Keith stopped, blinking. Pidge was gritting her teeth, her entire body shaking. “Shut up,” she whispered. “You’re not that. You’re... Keith. You’re our Red Paladin. You’re our friend. You’re the one I make stupid jokes with about Lance. The one I talk with about having body dysphoria. You’re not a murderer, and considering you didn’t fucking spread them on your own free will, you’re sure as hell not a slut.”

”Pidge, I-”

”So what if you had problems flying today? You’ll try again tomorrow! And then again the next day! And the next until you can do it again!” Her hand came up, dashing away tears. “So what if you can’t be around us? You’ll keep trying until you can! Because you’re fucking _Keith_ and you can do it!”

He stared at her for a moment. Then, softly, “I tried to kill myself.”

The noise she made, he wasn’t sure was a laugh or a sob. “I guessed. Keith...” She finally looked up at him, blinking away tears. “Can you please tell me what happened?”

Keith looked down at his hands. At his claws.

Then, softly.

”I was tortured. I was raped. I was broken.”

He looked back up at Pidge.

”I’m listening.”


	7. Chapter 7

”It was a bed.”

Keith could hear Pidge’s hands slow on her keyboard. He didn’t lift his head from the pillow he was laying on, just staring at the mass of blankets next to him. After a few ticks, he heard her get up, and she laid down next to him, quiet and waiting.

”My... my cell didn’t have. Furniture.” He closed his eyes, swallowing. Trying to push the memories back enough to talk. “They suspended me from the ceiling to torture me. When they. Raped me. They took me to a room with a bed.”

He opened his eyes again, staring into her eyes, understanding and full of pain for him.

”They just.” He growled, clenching his hands. “Wanted. To cause me pain.”

”Why?” she finally whispered.

( _half-breed slut_ )

Keith snarled, and she closed her eyes. Slowly, she moved one hand out, palm up. He stared at it for a moment, breathing heavily.

”You don’t have to take it,” Pidge told him, her voice quiet as she opened her eyes. “Just imagine I’m hugging you right now.”

He growled, curling up slightly.

Pidge just continued to lay there, her hand stretched out.

* * *

”They skinned me alive.”

”Hm?” Pidge’s voice was sleepy as she rolled over. She had been asleep.

”My torture. My shoulders. They skinned them.”

( _pain as skin was lifted from his muscle_ )

She studied him, then moved her hand out. “I’m hugging you right now, just so you know.”

* * *

”Hey, where’s Keith?”

Lance’s voice made him lift his head, blinking. He could see Pidge at her door, talking to someone-

”Shh! He just got to sleep. And I’m not letting you wake him up. Go, go.”

”He’s in there?! Pidge, are you sure?”

”If he hurts me, you can say ‘I told you so’ later. But... I don’t think he will.”

”I don’t think he’ll hurt you! I just wonder if it’s good for _him._ ”

”I... think it is. He’s talking to me.”

”... thanks, Pidge.”

”Tch. You’d do the same.”

”Yeah. I’m glad he’s doing better.”

(Family.)

Keith let his head fall back onto the pillow, closing his eyes.

* * *

”They took turns. Raping me.”

He stared at her hand. At the ‘hug.’

”I was their half-breed slut.”

”You’re not a slut,” she whispered.

”I fucked and sucked enough cock to be one.”

”You were forced.”

He closed his eyes, feeling a growl rise in his throat.

When he opened them, Pidge still hadn’t moved. Her hand, her ‘hug’ still remained out, trying to comfort him.

”It hurt,” he finally told her, his voice barely above a whisper.

* * *

Her hand was always there. Always ‘hugging’ him.

Keith stared at it as they laid on the floor together.

Then, slowly, let his own hand reached out, palm up, next to hers. He couldn’t feel the heat off her skin - it wasn’t close enough for that - but it was his ‘hug’ back to her. Keith flicked his eyes to Pidge’s face, swallowing.

She smiled a little. “Thanks.”

* * *

He was curled up in the corner, growling. They were coming for him. They would be there at any moment. He needed to-

”Shit, shit, shit. Keith. It’s okay. You’re in my room. I’m Pidge. You’re okay.”

There! He reached out, grabbing the throat and pinning them to the ground, claws up. He was going to eat their eyes for doing what they did to him! He-

(Pidge.)

She stared up at him, unafraid. Slowly, Keith lowered his hand, letting her go and curling back up in the corner. He had nearly hurt Pidge. He had-

”Hey. It’s okay. Everything’s okay. You’re safe here. As long as you’re here, you’re safe.”

How could she still be here after that? After he was about to seriously hurt her?

”It’s okay, Keith. You didn’t hurt me.”

Keith lifted his head, looking at her. At her throat, and the handprint there.

(Liar.)

”What happened?” She moved into a more comfortable sitting position. He could see her hands shaking, and he looked away quickly. “You suddenly started growling and wedged yourself into a corner.”

”I thought I was back there,” he managed to get out. “Nearly hurt you. Did hurt you.”

”So what? You doing okay now?”

Keith took a few deep breaths. “Not there. Anymore.”

”Good.”

She didn’t move.

Then, held her hand out, elbow close to her body. “Here. Have a hug.”

Keith looked at her hand.

Then started laughing.

(Even now.)

* * *

Her hand had been in a ‘hug’ position when she fell asleep.

Slowly, he reached his hand out in the same.

He could feel the heat from her hand, know he would touch her if either of them as so much twitched as he closed his eyes, tumbling into his own dreamland.


	8. Chapter 8

(Try.)

(Keep trying.)

( _Keep trying._ )

* * *

Shiro shifted slightly so his Galra arm was behind him. “Hello, Keith.”

Keith grunted, going for the food pumps. It had been a long night, and he was very hungry now. Though... “Shiro,” he finally said as he pumped out a plateful of green goo.

”How are you feeling?”

He shrugged. “It’s been a bad night,” he admitted. “Pidge-” Keith shook his head. “I didn’t want to wake her up.”

”Are you still staying in her room?”

One hand came up to his neck, lightly touching where he had dug his claws in. “For the moment. I don’t- I don’t really trust myself alone right now.”

Shiro nodded. “I understand.” His human arm came up as if to clasp him on the shoulder, then paused as Keith started to cringe away. “Ah.” The arm dropped. “I’m sorry.”

Keith swallowed down panic, the plate shaking in his hands. “I can’t- do touch. Reminds.”

”Keith. It’s okay. I understand.”

He nodded, his head moving loosely on his neck. “Yeah. Yeah.”

Shiro stood there awkwardly for a moment, his Galra arm still behind him. “Is there anything-”

”No.”

The two of them stood there for a moment before Shiro cleared his throat. “If there’s anything we can do, just let us know.”

Keith smiled a little. “I just want to eat right now.”

”Then I will leave you to that.” Shiro started to leave, then paused. “I’m happy to see you, Keith.”

After Shiro left, Keith collapsed into the seat. That had... taken so much out of him. Being social like that, being... fighting his own memories just to be social.

But he did it. He had a conversation.

He could do it.

* * *

”Well, I’m impressed,” Lance commented as Keith took a step back from the punching bag. “Didn’t think you could get through that without clawing it up so soon.”

Keith snorted, starting to unwind the tape from his hands. “There’s this thing I’m trying called recovery.”

Lance gaped at him for a moment, then grinned. “Well, someday soon I’ll be beating your ass in sparring.”

”So you finally beat Shiro and Allura in a fair fight?”

”Well- okay-”

Keith snickered. “I thought so.”

Lance pouted. “You can’t beat Shiro in a fair fight.”

”But I can if I fight dirty and I can still beat you no matter what.”

”You said fair fight! You didn’t say fight dirty!”

” _Can_ you take them if you fight dirty?”

”Well-”

”I rest my case.”

”This is mean. You’re mean. I’m telling Shiro.”

”And what, Lance? Get told to suck it up?”

Lance looked away, pouting.

Keith snickered, picking up the towel and wiping his face off before snagging the water bottle and taking a gulp. It felt good, poking at Lance again. Felt good, making everything be normal again.

”It’s not... that I don’t trust you.” Keith didn’t realize he was saying the words until they were coming out of his mouth. “It’s that they’re hard to say. It’s hard to say it more than once.”

Lance looked back at him, surprised, a little lost for a moment, then nodded. “Nah. I get it. I mean...” He shrugged, and Keith could almost see the frustration he was hiding behind his friendly demeanor. “A lot happened to you. As long as you have someone to talk to, you know?”

”As long as I’m talking, right? Not running like I did when I found out I’m-”

( _half-breed slut._ )

Keith swallowed the words. “Actually... Lance. Don’t- call me half-Galra anymore. It. That’s why they wanted to hurt me. That’s why the one- not because I’m. A Paladin. Because I’m.”

Lance’s eyes grew wide, and he could see him start to become so angry he was about to lose his English. And that didn’t happen often. They could be arguing fiercely and Lance would still be cursing in English. The last time he had been cursing in Spanish, Keith-

( _and pain was his entire world_ )

Slowly, he could see Lance calm enough that he heard “I’m going to kill them.”

Keith laughed brokenly. “Get in line.”

* * *

(Try.)

(Keep trying.)

(You can do this. Just keep trying.)

* * *

Pidge had her hand held out while she slept.

Keith stared at it for a moment.

Then, slowly, reached out, shakily taking her hand with his.

Panic rose in his throat as their skin touched, and every part of him demanded he take it back. That he stop, that he recoil. He fought the feeling for three ticks before pulling his hand back, curling up against the wall.

He had done it. He had touched someone.

He could do it.


	9. Chapter 9

He had another flashback flying Red.

He was going to keep trying.

(Pidge was right. Keep trying.)

* * *

”Lance. Watch out. He’s feral again.”

”Not. Feral,” Keith managed to growl out, shaking as he curled up. “Don’t touch me.”

There was silence. After a few ticks, Keith uncurled slightly, looking at everyone. He was okay. He was in the Castle of Lions. These were the Paladins of Voltron. His friends.

(Family)

”I’m okay,” he told them, his voice raspy.

(Family)

* * *

He wasn’t even in the air five minutes before he had another flashback.

(Keep. Trying.)

* * *

Pidge moved her hand out, resting her palm out in a ‘hug.’ “You had another nightmare.”

Keith sat up slightly, rubbing his eyes. It wasn’t surprising. But... what was he hadn’t sliced anything up. He hadn’t destroyed another pillow, or he hadn’t come to his senses in the corner. He woke up.

Pidge just laid there, her eyes starting to close again. She had worked herself to exhaustion. He knew what Shiro was doing now, pushing her to go to bed. He had nagged her a bit as well, reminding her that she needed rest as much as he did.

Slowly, Keith reached out. His fingers entwined with hers.

She smiled sleepily.

(I can do this.)

(I can touch people.)

* * *

”Are you sure you want to do this?”

Keith straightened from a stretch, glaring at Lance. “I’m a Paladin of Voltron. I have to be used to fighting hand to hand again.”

”Yeah, but you have this touch thing going on. I don’t want to trigger anything in you just by hitting you.”

”And is it better for that to happen on the battlefield? No, I’m getting used to it now. And it’s been too long since I beat your ass down.”

Lance paused for a moment, then smirked. “That’s true. Which means I have a chance of beating you this time!”

”No whining if I beat you.”

”I don’t whine!”

* * *

”Keith...”

”I managed to spar with him. I told him no whining if I won.”

”You know he doesn’t listen to you, right?”

”I noticed.”

* * *

A full run in Red before he made it back to Pidge’s room and was hit with a flashback.

(Keep. Trying.)

* * *

Keith stepped out of the shower, reaching for the towel. Quickly, he dried himself off, catching sight of himself in the mirror. One claw slowly traced the lines of the scar on his chest.

(murderer)

(slut)

(all you’re good for)

(No.)

Keith flattened his hand against his chest, closing his eyes.

(I am a Paladin of Voltron.)

(I am so much more.)

* * *

”I’m right down the hall if you ever need anything. Or a place to crash again.”

Keith smiled. “I’ll remember that, Pidge.” He reached out, hesitating for a moment before taking her hand in a ‘hug.’ He still couldn’t let her wrap her arms around him, but the comfort of this, of knowing she wanted to hug him was enough.

She smiled back at him. “Good.” Her hand let his go, falling away. “Shiro wants to see me, so I have to go.” Pidge bit her lip, thinking. “We’ll spar later?” she finally asked. “Unlike Lance, I don’t whine.”

That made Keith laugh. “Yeah. We’ll spar later.”

* * *

There was a Galra attack.

Keith didn’t go out, didn’t fight with the rest. He didn’t want to be a liability.

But he watched. And his fingers clenched as the need to fight rose in him.

He was a Paladin of Voltron.

(And I will win.)

* * *

(you’re nothing)

(just a half-breed slut)

(a murderer)

(I’m a Paladin of Voltron.)

(And I’m not doing this alone.)

* * *

”Are you sure you can do this, Keith?”

”Yeah.” Keith’s hands smoothed on Red’s control sticks. “I have to do this again sooner or later.”

There was silence for a moment, then Lance laughed weakly as he started flying towards the Galra ships coming for them. “Well, as long as you watch my back.”

”I’m more worried about you watching mine.”

More and more Galra ships poured out, coming for them. Coming for Voltron.

Keith’s hands tightened.

(They hurt me.)

(They could hurt my family.)

(I won’t let them.)

He grinned.

(I won’t let any of my family go through what happened to me.)

He welcomed them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When the stars align   
>  The rites shall come to bear  
>  Illuminate the signs   
>  The exiles shall be there   
>  All are not the same   
>  But three shall be as one  
>  Freedom in the flame  
>  The end has just begun   
>  Strands may break alone   
>  But twisted make a braid   
>  Together on their own  
>  The journey shall be made   
>  The journey shall be   
>  Made
> 
> In the Flame, Darren Korb ([X](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbgdegzfPP4))
> 
> I... wow. I really have to say thank you. Thank you so much. I can't. I couldn't have even guessed how much you would have liked this entire series. I just. Thank you. So much. I love you all.


End file.
